MAKING MARRIAGE WORK
Last week, I spoke on “Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage: Starting Over”. Today, I am talking about making marriage work… whether it is your first, second or eighth. Mickey Rooney came to Christ after eight marriages. The woman at the well in the Book of John had been married five times and was living then with a man to whom she wasn’t married.
In this 21st Century in America, it is high time we called a halt to the breakdown of the family. In 1984, President Reagan said: "In the fourth century, a monk thought he heard God telling him to go to Rome... He followed a crowd into the Colosseum and saw the gladiators. He realized they were going to fight to the death. He cried out, 'In the Name of Christ, stop!'...made his way through the crowd and climbed the wall into the arena.... As he was pleading with the gladiators...one of them plunged his sword into his body...his last words were, 'In the Name of Christ, stop!' Suddenly the gladiators stood looking at this tiny form... In dead silence, everyone left. That was the last battle in the Colosseum. One tiny voice...'In the Name of Christ, stop!' We could be saying that today."
MARRIAGE IS A HUGE INVESTMENT.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." After 46 years, Macel and I are still paying…. Investing love, time, fidelity.
TEXT: Ephesians 5:21-33, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
MARRIAGE BEGINS WITH LOVE.
Most people get married because they are in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together. Something attracts their attention and sparks their interest in one another. They eventually marry and promise to love one another "until death do us part." But nearly 50% of these couples will eventually divorce the partner they claimed they couldn't live without.
Marriages are failing today faster than at any time in history. We have more money, more conveniences, more time-saving devices, yet we are spending less time together than ever before. Ours is a generation of highly educated, multi-talented and over-committed people. We have maximized our activities and minimized our marriages. We are on-line, but not on-target. We communicate with the world, but not with each other. We go more places, spend more money, and do more things-but we are not happy.
Something is missing in our lives, our marriages, our homes and our families. It is time to maximize our marriages, instead of our activities. It is time to invest more in marriage than we do in the stock market. It is time we spend more time with each other, instead of trying to make ourselves happy by staying busy.
I want to give you several ways to maximize your marriage that come right from the Bible.
(1) TOTAL COMMITMENT TO GOD.
Ephesians 5:21, “Submitting yourselves one to one another in the fear of God.”
Success in marriage begins with a personal relationship with God. He created us to know Him personally and calls upon us to commit our lives to Him. God is the center of the universe and the key to human relationships. He wants us to know Him personally. That is why He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die for our sins. Jesus paid our sin debt, so that we could be adopted into the family of God.
Romans 8:15-16, “For we have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but we have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit Himself beareth witness with our spirit that we are the children of God.”
Knowing God personally through faith in Jesus Christ is the foundation of a Christian marriage. While God can certainly bless a marriage where only one partner is a believer, His ideal plan is for both partners to be believers.
The Bible warns us:
II Corinthians 6:14, “Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers”. If you are planning to marry someone, make sure they really know the Lord, so you can get started right in your marriage.
If you are already married to a non-believer, do everything you can to love them into a love relationship with Jesus Christ.
I Corinthians 7:13-14, “And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.”
This scriptural passage encourages you to stay committed to your unsaved spouse as a sanctifying influence in his/her life.
(2) TOTAL COMMITMENT TO YOUR SPOUSE.
Ephesians 5:21, “Submitting yourselves one to one another in
the fear of God.”
Before the Bible says anything about one partner submitted to the other, it tells both partners to submit to each other. Mutual commitment to the success of the marriage is necessary to make it in today's world of low commitment and selfish choices. We are living in a time when people walk away easily from their jobs, their careers, their marriages and their children. If your marriage is going to make it, you have to decide right now that divorce is not an option. Macel and I decided years ago, we are going to do whatever we have to to make this marriage work. It's been 46 years now... and we are committed to another 46, or whatever God allows.
The degree to which you commit yourself to your spouse will influence the degree to which they commit themselves to you. If they think everything else is more important, they will start looking elsewhere. Some of you are in love with your job more than your spouse. And some of you are so in love with yourself, you don't have anything to give anyone else. Learn to love each other in a way that is meaningful to both of you.
Christian psychologist, Dr. Gary Chapman, believes there are 5 "love languages" by which we commit to each other that we really care about each other:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Physical Touch
3. Deeds of Kindness
4. Quality Time
5. Gifts of Appreciation
1 Peter 3:7, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” Get to know each other. Learn to "speak" each other's "love language."
(3) TOTAL COMMITMENT TO YOUR CHILDREN.
Your marriage is the basis of your family. You are not just dealing with each other, but with your children as well. They need to know that mom and dad are going to make it...that you're in this for the long haul. Years ago, most kids grew up that way. They just assumed mom and dad would always be there for them. That isn't so anymore. Today's kids are worried about their parents. They aren't sure about their own future because they aren't sure about their parents' marriage.
The best gift you can give your children is to love one another.
Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”
We are to love each other "like Christ loved the church." He gave all He had for us and we ought to give all we have for each other.
You can't walk away from your marriage without hurting your children. You need to stay and work it out. Notice I said, "work it out," not grind it out! Work at your relationship and your children will thank you for it some day.
(4) WORSHIP TOGETHER.
As a pastor, I'm always surprised when I find out how little time some couples spend praying and worshipping together. If you are going to weather the storms of life, you need to spend time praying together. Husband, your wife needs to hear you pray for her on a regular basis. Your kids need to hear their dad pray out loud for them.
Prayer is part of our communication with God and with each other. What we say about each other in prayer tells our spouse what we really think about them. Set aside a specific time to pray together as a couple and as a family. It will make all the difference in your lives.
(5) TALK TOGETHER.
Communication is an important key to a successful marriage. Couples who don't talk together, eventually don't live together. Learn to open up to each other. I never have to guess how Macel feels about something - she tells me! If you have to bottle up your feelings when you're together,
something is wrong. Talk it out. And, by the way, don't you do all the talking. Let your partner honestly open up to you. If you don't they may open up to someone else.
(6) PLAY TOGETHER.
Chances are you got married so you could be together all the time. But if you are like most couples, you barely have time for each other. Get a babysitter. Go out to dinner. Take a vacation. Go on a trip. Start romancing each other again. Sure, you're "together" all the time, but most of that time is taken up by your job, your children, your family responsibilities, etc.
Take time for each other. Have fun in life. That's why you got married in the first place. If you're going to be too busy, be "too busy" with each other, not from each other. Don't be thoughtful just on her birthday or your anniversary. Do it all the time. Don't become your husband's biggest critic, become his biggest admirer. Someday, when you're old, all you will have is each other. Become best friends now. Nourish that friendship. Don't let your romance die. Keep the fire blazing.
(7) STAY TOGETHER.
Marriage is not a trial experience or a live-in arrangement. Marriage is a covenant with God-"till death do us part." Make your marriage work to the glory of God. Don't look for an easy way out. There are no easy ways.
Ask God to give you the grace to stay married. If you need help, see a Christian counselor. Get help. But realize that in most cases the change has to begin in you. You need to stop making excuses. Face up to your weaknesses. Ask forgiveness. Ask God to change your heart-and you'll be surprised how your spouse's heart will change.
God created marriage.
Genesis 2:23-25, “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”
He meant for it to last for a lifetime. Put your priorities where they ought to be. Make your husband, your wife your priority. You loved them enough to want to marry them--now, love them for the rest of your life.
That's how God loved us. He gave everything He had for our salvation. He sent His Son to die for our sins. And He wants to take us to be His Bride.
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